akira's Diaryland Diary

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Dear God 2005

Dear God,
Every couple of years I write you a letter. The first one, Dear God 1, was written when I was lost and confused, and pissed off. The second one I wrote to you, Dear God 2, was written when I was more confident with myself, but still pissed off. Now, I guess it's because I'm older, wiser, or maybe I'm just sick of being pissed at you and blaming you, but you know what god??? I could care less about you. Maybe that wrong, maybe that's just what I'm trying to convince myself of feeling, but I really don't care.
For the longest time I was ashamed about what happened to me. Like I people would look at me like, "Oh you little slut!" hehe which is what was said of me, let me remind you god I was 5 when this all happened and 6 when I was having to tell everone, can you say emotional scar?? But, anyways god, I was made to feel ashamed about what happened to me. I still have my issues, trust me, but being ashamed of my life, and how I lived it isn't one of them. I arose from the life that you paved for me.
I wonder god, do you have this book where you write peoples lives as they are living them and fuck with them as they progress through it??? You know like something from the Looney Tunes?? Like when Bugs is fucking with Daffy? Or do you see a child being born, flip a coin and say "YA! HEADS" or "TAILS" and set forth on some plan to make their lives hell? I only ask because it seems like you must get tails more often then heads, ya know?
Listen, I'm not writing this time to slag on you. I'm just wanting to drop you a line to say, I'm fine now. You've tried taking my pride, my belief in myself, and my sanity and you lost. Enough. I've taken all you've had to give god. Now leave me alone.
You won't take her. Ok? If you think I fought hard to come away from my life the way I did, trust me guy, you ain't seen shit yet. Everything I've done to prove everyone wrong was for my daughter. I know this is just one of those fucking stupid tests your giving me, or maybe your still trying to win. Who knows. I'm here to tell you. You won't. Hell I'm not even pissed. I'm just telling you this matter of factly. This is it.
So on this note. I end my letter to you this year god. Thanks for the trauma, the laughs, the tears.
Ave )O( Akira

10:35 p.m. - March 4th 2 2005

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