akira's Diaryland Diary

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during the day

I am not the sort of person who go to therapists. Not that I'm against them for everyone, just for me. Respect and authority have been abused in my life so I'm a bit hesitant. But....I promised my little missus I'd go. The one I've been referred to isn't taking new patients and the other names aren't "in-network" so that leaves me with two ok I lie three options, either pay out of pocket, go to someone no one knows or don't go at all. The sad thing is I know I should. So not its deciding do I want to create more debt or take a chance?
*ding* I feel like everything I say or do irritates or frustrates her. Like I can't do anything right no matter how hard I try. Every step is the wrong one even when she's the telling me where to step. And between you and me, it's like she's trying to stay this way. Like she needs to create a reason to be pissed so that she has a justifiable reason for lashing out at me. I mean seriously isn't there enough reason already?
*ding* I'm finding it harder and harder not to do thins I know I shouldn't. Like its a serious fight within myself to behave. Any little way I can "accidentally" hurt myself I am. I've upped my meds but there not soaked in yet. Three weeks Akira. Just hold on three more weeks. Damn saturation b.s.
*ding* If I could put a hyperlink through my phone I totally would. I love my Miss Meg. Go and pole at her amazing writing and send her much love and support. My DLand sister. Speaking of phones and DLand there should be an app for that. Just a thought.
)o( ave akira

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