akira's Diaryland Diary

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5.2.13

escape escape escape. needed to leave today. just too much. I can't take the pills at work because I need to many for them to even work at this point.
I don't know what to do anymore. I sent her my thoughts. My feelings. Something's not right. Me? Obviously me. But what? Because she owes me no explanation anymore? Or is it because maybe I'm just too tired to give a shit anymore. I told her nothing personal. It's suppose to be just work. Just work and she can't keep it at that. Though I have no right to get upset. She's right I don't trust her. They're just "friends" after all right? Friends.
Just get through this weekend.
The fucked up thing of it is....she was SO excited for the limo and I probably fucked that up for her. I never had a doubt in my mind that she'd come through for D. I knew she would. She always does. When it's just us were always the priority in her life. And she does whatever she can whenever she can to make us happy. I know this.
I want the life back I had. Seriously. I want my dysfunctional crazy happily ever after life back.
I want to ask her why? And I want the truth. But I don't want to listen.
My little soldiers are fighting to come out and play but the problem is not having D see them. That's the trick. So for the blades haven't been to skin yet but lastnight. Well lastnight it felt nice to just have them as security.
I'm so tired. Really I should just go home and sleep. Sleep all this away. Then it'll be tomorrow and then the prom festivities start. Nails and toes first.
Focus on the positive. Focus on one thing at a time and don't over load yourself with the trivial.
I do wish she was coming with us tomorrow though. :0(
Ave )o( Akira

- Es-cape

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