akira's Diaryland Diary

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bent

Music for me is like emotion. The emotion I refuse to allow to be seen by most. The words. The feelings. The energy. Music says everything I can't.

Right from the start
You were a thief
You stole my heart
And Im your willing victim
I let you see the parts of me
That weren't all that pretty
And with every touch you fixed them

Now you've been talking in your sleep oh oh
Things you never say to me oh oh
Tell me that you've had enough
Of our love, our love

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
That we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

I'm sorry I don't understand
Where all of this is coming from
I thought that we were fine
(Oh we had everything)
Your head is running wild again
My dear we still have everythin'
And it's all in your mind
(Yeah but this is happenin')

You've been havin' real bad dreams oh oh
You used to lie so close to me oh oh
There's nothing more than empty sheets
Between our love, our love
Oh our love, our love

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

I never stopped
You're still written in the scars on my heart
You're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

Oh tear ducts and rust
I'll fix it for us
We're collecting dust
But our love's enough

You're holding it in
You're pouring a drink
No nothing is as bad as it seems
We'll come clean

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
That we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
That we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
Oh we can learn to love again
Oh we can learn to love again oh oh
That we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

My co-worker heard this song and immediately made me listen to it saying this was my relationship. Period point blank. She thinks that because we've been through so much together she shouldn't just throw it away. That "we're not broken just bent".

I keep giving myself reasons for not falling apart. D's prom. D's graduation. Then her 18th birthday. All these reasons why I can't just quit trying right now. But I'm just so tired. Back off the Xanax. Not take as much. I'm not taking it to get high. I just want to forget everything. Please. Please? Enough. I just want quiet. That's all.

The therapist thinks I'm wrong. Constantly telling me that it's not right how I am. Doesn't she realize that this is all I know? How to be. This is it. I'm protective. I'm guarded. Untrusting. Suspicious. And all of it for good reason. For valid fucking reasons. Have someone shove their dick in you and ruin your life at 5 then tell me how sane you'd be, all the while thinking you were wrong for allowing it to happen.

That movie fucked me up. The same fucking words. He said the same fucking words. Whispering them in my ear, his hot breath on my neck making it sticky. I don't want to look in a mirror at myself and see who I am. To twisted.

Ave )o(

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