akira's Diaryland Diary

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Torture comes in many flavors

Sad sadistic torture. That's what I think of it. What I do to myself. How I spin myself right round baby right round. Sorry 80's nostalgia reference.
*ding* My precious soul sister updated. Gave me a little scare did she. It's funny how two people who have never met can be so similar in thinking and situations. Lovely and odd. However, while she's trying to come off Xanax I've just found my love for it. Sorta reminds me of being on H without all the needles and side effects that go along with it. The calm and cloudy high you get from it. Being sure to only take half a tab in the morning before work so I'm not f'd up and I can't do my job, then when I get home it's fine. Only not on Wednesdays because I have to drive. See responsible using. That's me. Always has been.
*ding* I think sometimes I'm tired of fighting this fight of trying to keep my shit together. Having worked this hard for the life that I had why am I here dealing with all of this now? Haven't I dealt with enough bullshit in my life? Sometimes I just to scream at the top of my lungs ENOUGH I'm done. I'm. Just. Done.
*ding* She looks at me like she's either disgusted that those things happened to me or that she feels sorry for me. Either way things have changed. I won't ever tell her about my dreams again. Not after that. Nor will I tell her about my past anymore. Those things are now off limits.
A lot of things are off limits now.
)o( Akira

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