akira's Diaryland Diary

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It always starts out the same way. Everything is fine. We're in love. Sure we fight and argue but who doesn't right? Then when I've let my guard down and I've let my real self show is when people decide I'm no longer worthy of their consideration and respect. It's starts off with little things at first, how I dress or wear my hair. I guess this time it was my weight? Maybe? I dunno. Maybe it's because they grow tired of me. Tired of who I am and the newness of me wears off. Possibly?
Possibly it's because it's me. I mean if everyone done this maybe it's time I look at myself and figure out what I've done wrong all these times. I asked her. I asked her flat out so I could work on it. She said I didn't do anything. That she didn't plan it it just happened. So what's to stop it from happening again? Nothing. It just happened because she wanted it and that's where my issues are. If she wanted it then she doesn't want me and doesn't want to be with me. I mean any person in their right mind would see that except me. It's now that I do. Now when I realize the last 12 years that I've known is over. To me, in my mind, it was a mistake. Something I will always regret. Not because I was with her but because I allowed myself to get hurt again. Because I trusted and loved with all that I was. She made me feel normal. She made me THINK I was normal.
I want this to go away. I want this to end. I want things back to how they were. I want our life back.

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