akira's Diaryland Diary

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Hate

Numb the feelings. Ignore the feelings. Numb the feelings. Ignore the feelings. Ignore. Ignore. Ignore. Ignore. I'm really starting to think maybe getting admitted is the right thing for me. Apparently it's so obvious to her that she sees it all the time and it bothers her and she can't be herself because of me, yet when I say or do something it's wrong to her. But it's not me she's pissed off at its the situation or something else.
I'm fucking confused. I'm. Fucking. Confused. I hate this. I hate feeling like this. I hate thinking like this. I hate that fucking cunt boss of hers. I hate the fact that she lies to me and hides shit from me. I hate that this fucking bitch did this to us. I hate that I can't find the simplistic happiness without medicating myself to shut off all the what ifs going on in my head on the second by second basis. I hate this. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to think anymore. I don't want to dream anymore. I don't want to feel sick anymore. I don't want to be anymore. I'm tired. I'm just so.....fucking....tired.

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