akira's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- cold hearted Ok so I went one day without drinking. We wanted to go out lastnight. The club was closed. Go fig. That's happened to us the last, what 6 times we've tried to go out? I'm back to drinking. Big whoop. I'm fucking wasted right now. My mindstate sucks. I asked my ex (who's going in to jail in 10 days) for shit just to cope (cop-out I know). He won't give me anything though. The thing is that I KNEW he was going to say no, that's why I asked him. Maybe it wasn't I don't know anymore. Life is so confusing for me right now. I have this huge pain I'm dealing with. I want to numb it, but then I don't. My girlfriend told me today that I'm so strong, she wished she was like me. That made me so sad. I knew that what she saw as strong in me was really cold heartedness. I've been called a cold hearted bitch so many times I've lost count. My b/f's said it too. It's true I know that. I see it in myself. I don't give a shit either. It's funny. I use to think that what I did in my life didn't effect other people. That ultimatly my life ment nothing. I realize now that I was wrong. Day late right? Shit I can't focus anymore. Things are getting blury for me. I've typed this line somethign like 5 times. I'm out. )O( Akira - 2 * 3 * 00 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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