akira's Diaryland Diary

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over and over

i realized, after almost 2 hours on DL tonight, how much this diary has been my sanity when i wasn't sane. it's been my constant source of release since 1999. damn! that's like forever. haha
*ding* so mrs s gave me some of her Xanax for when i have panic attacks or when i just need quiet in my mind. i haven't taken any yet but i'm thinking maybe i should. or maybe i shouldn't. what if it helps and i want it to help more?
*ding* my emotions are all over the place. i'm tired and blah, then full of energy. ugh
*ding* why does she care? she's obviously has totally given up on trying to work anything out. yay were back to roommates. whatever. i was telling her how i felt. how she was making me feel by her actions. i feel like nothing is going to help the situation.
you know what i'm tired of thinking about this. i'm tired of it consuming my mind. is she pissed at me, did i say something that was rude, was that something that she meant, who's texting her, why did i do something wrong, it never stops now. over and over like a broken fucking record. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK im so tired of this i want to scream at the top of my lungs
just a little longer akira. just wait a little longer. it'll get better. won't it?
ave )O( akira

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