akira's Diaryland Diary

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The Show Must Go On

I must accept these consequences for my actions
when all I did was what the world told me I should do
And do anything for my dreams, if only i knew
the cost of my dreams, AKA, you.. would be you
I'm dead now!

The nightmare
is slowly taking over
All that's happened
It is enabling him
to take exactly what he wants
until he gets what he desires,
we'll be at his whim

My inner demon, he is screamin' at me, "Take her now!
This is your only chance, won't get another, don't let me down.
Don't fucking whine.
the deed is done you'll be just fine.
So you want true romance?
throw the dice, take a chance."

Why won't you let me in, just let me in!
We'll masquerade this awkward phase that we're stuck in.
If you accept me and forever be by my side
Remember what I said? Every day's a new sunrise
So let's just act pretend like this never happened
I'm your arcane guardian
Just let me in

You know our love is caught in your eyes
And those hazel eyes
They terrorize they terrorize!

My inner demon, he is screamin' at me, "Take her now!
This is your only chance, won't get another, don't let me down.
Don't fucking whine.
the deed is done you'll be just fine.
So you want true romance?
throw the dice, take a chance."

Don't let me down
If I can't have you, I will never be found.
It's sure to kill me if you leave me,
so I'll leave you gagged and bound
I won't reside, Never Abide
won't live my life caught in a lie

Baby don't scream
Don't scream!
You are not alone, his arms are not your new home
now just close your eyes, you will never say goodbye

Baby don't scream, you know I did this all for you and me
Tell me why!
Don't fucking scream, you know I did this all just for me

You know our love is caught in your eyes
And those hazel eyes
They terrorize they terrorize!

Don't let me down
If I can't have you, I will never be found.
It's sure to kill me if you leave me,
so I'll leave you gagged and bound
I won't reside, Never Abide
won't live my life caught in a lie

There are times. Like right now, when the struggle is just too much. When I can't and don't want to fight it anymore. When I wish the dark would just swallow me up during my restless sleep.
"What do I worry about?" If I was truthful I'd be locked away, fed copious amounts of drugs, and labeled suicidal. So I'm vague. I lie. Keep 'em in the dark.
I'm never good enough. Never enough. I fill myself with non-senseical things hoping to fill whatever the void is.
"Are you taking your meds or have you stopped again?" Does it really matter? Will it fix me? Will I finally be normal? Will it make me be enough? FINALLY? Yes. I take them. I try to remember the ever changing schedule of when an how many. I try.
It's just never good enough.

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