akira's Diaryland Diary

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the outsider

wireless laptop or not, i haven't been able to just write. i need the peace and quiet (except music) and alone time which i can never fucking seem to get without someone coming in the room or calling for my help or trying to talk to me. i just want to be left alone to write and purge and she knows it.
i'm not one to like people. infact in most cases i hate them. not all of them, but most of them. in the past 2 or so years i've gotten rather fond of this one co-worker. i find myself telling her more then i would ever tell anyone. i worry about disappointing her or letting her down. and even more curious, i'm really attached to her. she's the polar opposite of me. the light to my dark kinda kindred spirit. my wife says all the time we're sisters separated at birth or something. in anycase, i've been thinking about letting her read akira. of course finding out first if she would even want to and if she did would she do so without holding any judgement. no one in my "real life" even knows about akira, let alone reads it. so why her? because i don't/can't pull any bullshit with her. she sees me for who i am and still likes me inspite of it all.
*ding*
the cutting has stopped. it's been what feels like eons to me, when in reality is probably only a month. i realized that my little slices are like security blankets for me. the ones on my stomach are fading and i miss them. my thighs are just lines, no more scabs. just nice neat little lines. i still have my razors tucked away. i'm not quite ready to retire them just yet. i know they're there anytime i need them.

- 3*21*09

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