akira's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- life stinks There are times in my life when I wonder why the hell I even bother trying to do the right thing. Why I try to keep my head straight, and stay away from trouble. This being one of those times. (just one of many) I found out yesterday that Simba was murdered. His grandmother called my cell phone leaving me her number, like you would a pager. I called her back, asking the typical questions when your talking a grandmother, and she tells me. It's not that I'm not exactly use to death anymore (I'm not sure anyone gets use to it really) that threw me in this tail spin. It's the fact that she used the word murdered. It took everything I had to not tear apart the office. I walked out got in my car and drove. Orignally I was going to go to Possums, then decided against it. I really loved him. I'm so sick of losing people I love and care about. I'm actually getting numb to people. I'm trying to tune them out. I figure if I don't care about anyone then I can't lose them. I fucking don't understand this shit sometimes. He was fucking drug dealer for YEARS and lived. He was associated with gangs and lived. He moves to New York becomes a Oppenhimer Funds broker and gets murdered?? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!!! Could someone please tell me how being a drug dealer can be a safer profession then a stock broker?? PLEASE ??? Because to me it just doesn't seem fair. Losing J and his brother I could actually justify. Simba, I can't. He was doing the right things with his life. *sigh* my god he's actually gone I'm holding my belief that he's with his daughter finally. And maybe, just maybe his wife is who she was when they met and he's got his family back. I just realized if I ever got to actually go have a reading from John Edward how many people he would be getting feelings from. hehe And all of them....LOUD. At least I have the comfort of knowing that someday, SOMEDAY I'll get to say I love you to the people that matter to me the most again. Ave )O( Akira - 9 * 15 * 00 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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