akira's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- new voice Thank you to everyone who left me messages and emails for your concern with my last entry. I didn't mean to get anyone worried or upset. When I have those kinds of nightmares they really fuck with my head on so many levels. But I'm alive and kickin'. :o) Thank you again. It totally sucks that the voice mail that almost all of d-land uses to talk to eachother is now going to charge for something or other. It sucks, but I'm looking for another free voice mail for all of us. Which since I started this entry until now I've, or rather my boy found. Cool Speak they have a program that you download and listen to your messages online. It's cool. Or rather I like it. Before I forget. I absolutely must do this. CordeliaMeg has the most incredible voice. She's got a cute little accent and instead of saying OFF she says AWFF it's just fucking adorable. Her kitty gives her Puffer Kisses too. And apparently he nibbles on her nose??? hrmm :o) So when and if she gets a new voicemail account call her and listen to her voice. I love New Yawk accents. I'm in the process of reclaiming my sanity, which sometimes seems like a lost cause. I stayed straight today, after blowing it SO bad yesterday. I broke massive promises and betrayed people all over. At that time I knew I needed to be rid of the shit I was feeling. I had to be fake all day until I could get something. I had to pretend that my body wansn't infected with the shit I feel. Yes I fucked up. And this will be the only fucking time I'll admit I NEEDED to get fucked up ever. It may not be the last time, but I'll fight like hell to never feel like this/that again. I was wrong. I'm sorry I did it. Would I redo it if there were the same oppertunity? Yes. Is that wrong?? Yes. But I don't regret it. What did I learn? There are times when my mind overtakes any sanity I could ever dream of having and creates this void of me and nothing can repair is but time. Sometimes time is not something that I have to heal. Ave )O( Akira - 10 * 6 * 00 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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