akira's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- it's would seem have you ever had one of those days where everything just suck. everybody's seems like their out to destroy you in one way or another? it's like when you wake up in the morning there's some unseen force following you around throughout the day watching and lurking around every fucking corner. it's just been one of those days. * ding * found out from my nana why my uncle (my mom's bro) hasn't been returning phone calls and basically keeping everyone away from him. seems he's been having a bit of a emotional break down. HA a bit...ok in all truth he tried killing himself and was admitted into the hospital for a couple of weeks and was only released about 4 days ago. but it was just a small episode. he wrote my nana telling her how he's in pain emotionally, how he has to fight just to wake up in the morning, and basically life has nothing for him now. (and he thought that i got none of HIS genes. please. ) he misses my mom. * ding * i'm losing my mind slowly these days. without the drugs and the booze it happens at a much slower pace. * ding * apparently as the story goes i'm not something special where my fathers concerned. see when i talked to my aunt the other night she asked me if i had spoken to my father. i told her no and why (because he's a sick fucker-those are her exact words-and now i know why). when i was younger around 8 or so my aunt HATED my father. just totally outta the blue it was like she went to bed one night and things were cool, then she woke up and she hated him. as i find out now there's just cause. see my father, the man who i tried and tried to make proud of me, the man who's praise i wanted and begged for for 28 years tried to rape my aunt and my cousin (the one who's a druggie and pregnant). everyone knew this. my uncles, my grandmother, even my mom and no one said a single thing to me. they just let me sit there like a fucking fool wanting him to be proud of me. she also told me that she thinks but she's not sure that he raped my older cousin which is why she was so over protective of me where family was concerned but not where other things were concerned. * ding * since i was 9 every thanksgiving has been tainted with some horrid fucking drama. i feel like fucking chandler from Friends. last year wasn't so bad. i had started talking to my nana again. i has actually started getting a grip on reality and being able to stand on my own two feet. LMAO that didn't last long, two and a half months later my father decided that i was a human blow up doll. ave - Nov. 15 02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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