akira's Diaryland Diary

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just a summery

i'm a bit drunk while i'm writing this..i have so much to tell you.

i had originally written this a bit ago, but fighting and arguing has riddleded me and i'm having to write this in a time crunch.

i can tell you this though...i got to meet Brett Scallions lastnight. *sigh a little super hero sigh* he hugged me and kept his arm around me for what seemed like forever. *huge fucking smile*

right now my boy and i are fighting this makes the third person that i've fought within 24 hours. oh well.

hehe

lastnight was amazing.

i mend though music. i heal through concerts (what i call gigs or shows)

the music started...my mind...music swirling..twirling..taking my mind over...the bass drum beating with my heart ...the lights piercing in my soul ...crushing that black shit within me.

he sang like he was the voice of heaven. those angel's that have watched over me for so long...
Brett,
i couldn't thank you lastnight. i couldn't tell you that your music saved my mind and sanity at a key point in my life. thank you for following your dream. thank you for having faith in yourself. thank you for being you.

if you saw this gig lastnight..oh man.

lessee...i have little..or NO time for myself anymore. but i'm ok with it. seriously. i'm ok with it. i don't mind helping people out. but when i wanna go out with my girls. when i wanna be ME. it's not that big of a deal. i've been spending nights over at my girls place. someone that "BOTH" of us trust a whole bunch more then my "girlfriends". i want a night to be me.

the really fucked up thing about all this...he does what ever he can to make me happy. he's more then willing to give me his money, his bed, his life. all i'm wanting is for him to accept who i am. accept that i need every once in a while to be without him. i need time to breath. i'm being a good girl. i've been clean. i've been honest with him. i tell him when i'm leavin. when i'm back. shti like that. i'm trying really hard to be a good girl. trying to dismiss those thoughts of wanting to "escape".

i am me.

ave )O( akira

- 11 * 14 * 00

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