akira's Diaryland Diary

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mood swings

I need to make of an effort to update. It's not like I'm working or anything. Keeping all this shit in is doing more harm then good. Still haven't called the number Sly gave me. I don't think I'm ready just yet. Calling all the "offical" places yesterday, I'm done for a while now. I realized something yesterday..when something upsets me or makes me cry, I go into the room where we're keeping my mom's ashes upset, unable to calm down, within minutes all's better.

God I miss her. I know she's around. I try and convince myself she is. Little things, everything, makes me think she's here. But my selfish ass just can't let go of wanting her here.

Damn I'm just a bundle of joy tonight. This is why I'm not writing. I make believe really well. No one would guess I'm this fucking screwed up. That I'm teetering on insanity and unstablity. Well ok that's a lie, my boy, Tweeker, her dad do.

*ding*
John Edward is comming the San Frisco in May. Tweeker's gonna buy me tickets and I'm gonna as Syl if she'll go with me. It's just a seminar but I have to see him in person. While I was up at my mom's once I got her totally hooked on John. She still had the tv programmed for his show when we went up to take of things.

*ding*
I kept my daughter home today. I didn't want to be alone. We play PS2, coloured, she said I was "sad mommy" again today and that she'd take care of me until my "weepies went away". She asked my yeterday if Gramma D fell down when her heart broke (that's what she calls it). She hasn't mentioned anything to me about my mom since the day I talked to her until then, I guess she could tell. Kids are like that, yup they are.

*ding*
I'm gettin a new layout cause this one's all cracked out. I screwed with the html and it's all messed up now.

*ding*
Recently I've found some really fucking cool, wonderfully written diaries on top of my "addictions". I'd link them all but there are just TOO DAMN MANY but they'll be on my links page.

Crap. Mood swing much Akira?

Ave )O(

...Dear Mom

- 3 * 8 * 01

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