akira's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- venting of sorts This was suppose to go up lastnight but d-land was being rude and not letting me..probably anyonedo much of anything. I'm tired of being ignored. I'm tired of having to seek her attention and getting nothing in return. I'm tired of trying to act like it doesn't bother me that we don't have sex unless it suits her wanting and liking. I'm tired of all of this.She knew who I was when we met. I haven't changed. But still she expects me to be someone else. Nothing that I do makes her happy anymore, no matter how I act. I'm clean because she wants it. It's not a choice I'd make right now. I'm clean because she's the one who can't handle it. I make decisions based on her soul, not for my benefit, or for me. She's fucked me so badly in the mind that I sleep in the MOST uncomfortable of positions because she doesn't trust me sleeping with my hands under my pillow. OK granted they usually end up there sometime during slumber but when I start out their out. I do it totally subconsciously now. It's not over but it sure as hell feels like it is. I can't live like this with her. I can't always be wondering when she'll want me and why she doesn't. It fucks with my head way too much to deal with. I'd rather just fuck nameless people and move on then wait for someone I love to honor me with their desire. Just off a little tonight? Nah. Just hurt that's all. Ave |