akira's Diaryland Diary

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thank you

I'm back. *evil giggle* God I'm drunk right now. haha Ok I'm back early for a couple of reasons. 1 Being my daughter wanted to see her daddy (only the lord knows why) and she missed my boy. I couldn't keep her from them any more so I came home. Well that and my mom was making me nutso (more so then normal). I love her but heaven help me. I had fun on some level but that sick part of me me came out. Seeing her that sick, knowing that she's gonna leave me got to me in a major way. The day before I left I called my daddy to let him know that I loved him and tell him I was gonna be gone. He's sicker then I thought. He's got emphysema It's the same thing that my grandfather died from. He told me that he's just got a cold. :o) Always protecting me. I'm way fucking drunk. My boy's happy to have me home. He acts like I was gone for a frigin' month. haha. he's so cute. I'm happy to be home.

My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'd all be grey, but your picture on my wall
It reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad

Most people know that song from Eminem it's from Dido. I love this song. I called Riley today when got home. I'm I guess back to square one. haha Go fig a couple of days at my moms and I've regressed a whole bunch. lol

I pulled a knife on James Hetfield on the way up to my mom's. LOL He's perdy big. haha

The time at my mom's was nice to a point. I remember why I took off with J for a month, and why I did SO many drugs when I was younger. :o)

Speaking of.....I took shit with me up there. I told my boy. I got it off of someone trust worthy. But I still slammed shit with my daughter around. So ok. Then Simba said that I've got a drug problem. A problem that I control but a problem nonetheless. Him saying that makes me think that he's right. I know it's wrong. I know that I don't need anything. I know this. But I choose to get fucked up instead of dealing with shit that I should. I guess knowing and NOT doing is half the battle.

I've been watching this guy John Edward. He's a medium (a medium what I don't know haha). He talk's to people who have passed and let's the living people know that they are there for them kinda thing. My boy wanted to have me go on it. Everyone thinks that my boys (J and his bro) would come through SO strong that they would push everyone else aside. *smile* I guess they might. I don't know I thought that it was sweet that he even thought that. I guess my being lost without either of them is more evident then I thought it was.

It's my life
It's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive (It's my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said
I did it my way
I just wanna live while I'm alive, It's my life

Thank you Bon Jovi for remind me of it. This is MY life. I choose my life. I choose my fate, bad good or otherwise. I soully am responsible for MY actions. IT'S MY LIFE

Ave and peace

)O( Akira

PS Sometimes when you lose you really lose, the trick is to know how to learn from losing that matters not the lose it self.

- 7 * 20 * 00

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