akira's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- fucking patheic really fucking pissed off entry if you in a good mood don't fucking read how can fucking men be so fucking stupid? please someone fucking tell me!!! i realize that men think with their dicks. i know that their brains don't go further then sex. but commen fucking sense would tell them that if their child went to bed at 8 pm and they have school the next fucking day they shouldn't be playing the fucking playstation until midnight and keeping their child awake. RIGHT??? but NO not my daughters father. NOT HIS SELFISH ASS!!! this is the same fucking man that will turn off the tv on my daughter when she's allowed to have it because *whine* "the light keeps me awake" YA FUCKING RIGHT! this is the same fucking man that can sleep through her CRYING/SCREAMING in the middle of the night! i am SO fucking pissed off right now! he's not the one that has to deal with her when she's cranky because she didn't get enough sleep. he's not the one that has to deal with her PERIOD. no he chooses to yell and scream at her. cuss at her. fucking pathetic bastard! how the fuck did i EVER think he could be a good father let alone a respectable humanbeing?? how is that i'm stuck with his ass?? ok venting done. i don't feel better. why is that? maybe because i KNOW he's still got that goddamn game on and she's going to be awake for another fucking hour?? i need to move out. i need to get a fucking apartment with just her and me. let her live like a little kid should. isn't it popular america now adays for the child to live with one parent? pathetic. i'm fucking pathetic for making her have to deal with MY choices. i have to do something about my life. i can't keep fucking living like this. SHE can't keep living like this. it's not fair to her. not at all. she has TONS of people around her that love her. but sometimes it's not enough. oh god. i think about this shit. think about moving out. think about how my life would be without her father, my boy. i couldn't make it. for fucksake i work a part time job making next to fucking nothing. i know without a doubt i couldn't do it. and the really fucked up thing...i literally have no place i can go. ok ya i could crash at my g/f's house for a bit, but there are three of them living under one roof..i'd kill them before the week was out AND IT'S THEIR HOUSE!!!. i could go and stay with my mommy..but she lives in the boonies..bumble fuck nowhere. i litereally have NO WHERE to go. i'm stuck. totally fucking stuck. *scoffs* i haven't been this pissed off in a while at him. he's just so...so...SO fucking irritating. he doesn't realize...doesn't have a clue as to what he does! he's selfish. he's fucking rude. he's self centered. he's an asshole. he KNOWS this. how did i ever create life with him? something totally pathetic about ME. i still love him. why??? lmao because..through all the bullshit i went through with my family..with J...with my life...he's been there. letting me live my life...letting me make mistakes...letting me...be. he's never been in-love with me. he stayed with me because of our daughter. it's how his fucking parents raised him. they looked at me like "oh poor poor akira. her parents are divorced. her fathers a boozer" little did they know that i've lived more of a life then both of them combined. there are time when i actually feel sorry for him. then reality hits me and i realize...I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THEIR FUCKED UP REALITY it's really fucking odd. he'd give almost anyone the shirt off his back to help them out. my boy. tweaker. ME for fucksake! but his fucked up attitude. his fucking warped sense of fucking reality. his fucking self centered fucking bullshit asswipe of.....FUCK i want out of this. i want to take my daughter and just fucking leave. just fucking move the fuck out of this fucking bullshit place. live with her and be fucking happy. will that ever fucking happen?? NO why?? because i'm fucking pathetic and i can't fucking take care of my fucking daughter THAT'S WHY! and i created this life for her. HOW FUCKING LOVELY kira - 1 * 15 * 01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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