akira's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- great begining I've been charmed with some really wonderful people in my life. *giggle* My stray cats. hehe I was thinking about my life today. All the stupid shit I've been through. The really dumb choices I've made. The wise ones. Through all that shit, good and bad, I've had people around me who would support me, help me, and walk beside me just in case. But when I'm in that dark place..I feel totally alone. I've been struggling lately. Those closest to me see it. Others just think I'm being my typical bitchy self. It's been hard. Really hard. The thought of knowing just one little slice could ease any feelings I have, is MORE then tempting. But I made myself a deal, just get through the holidays without a single slice...and the rest of the year is a free ride until the holidays come up again. So far so good. It's odd for me to say this, but I haven't even wanted the drugs as much as a blade. ... What a way to start the new year. My van died. Actually not my van as much as the ignition. It no go on. :o( The first day of a new year and this is the shit I've gotta deal with. ack Hopefully all the bullshit will get out of the way early this year. Actually the bullshit started on new years eve. I got into a huge fight with my daughters father (in front of my daughter, my boy and tweaker). As usual things got resolved. No "I'm sorry's" were said, more like that here's a hug, it'll make it all better thing. Sometimes I wonder why the fuck I just don't leave his fucking ass. It's not like he cares about me, maybe he does..but only because I'm his daughters mother. I'm not sure he ever loved me like I did him, or even if he still loves me. He treats me like shit. On some really fucking odd level, he worries about me (a REALLY fucking odd level). I've got all the dates planned out for my "weekend jaunts". My tweaker friend is gonna take me away for a weekend and basically pamper my ass because I "deserve it". hehe Ya right. Then the first week of Feb. my daughter, myself, and tweaker are goin up to my mommy's. I'm only gonna be up there for three days..hopefully this time I'll come home with some sanity. I'm an a positively perky mood right now, and I don't know why. *thinking* Maybe it's the booze. hahaha Ave )O( Akira - 1 * 2 * 00 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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