akira's Diaryland Diary

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runaway

If things are suppose to get better the older you get, then one of two things is going on with me..#1. I’m getting older in numeral age only..or #2. My birth certificate lies. I’m hoping it’s the second of the two.

*ding*
So how does Akira feel??

“Graffiti decorations
Underneath a sky of dust
A constant wave of tension
On top of broken trust
The lessons that you taught me
I learn were never true

Now I find myself in question
They point the finger at me again
Guilty by association
You point the finger at me again

I wanna run away
Never say goodbye
I wanna know the truth
Instead of wondering why
I wanna know the answers
No more lies
I wanna shut the door
And open up my mind

Paper bags and angry voices
Under a sky of lust
Another wave of tension
Has more than filled me up
All my talk of taking action
These words were never true

Now I find myself in question
They point the finger at me again
Guilty by association
You point the finger at me again

I wanna run away
Never say goodbye
I wanna know the truth
Instead of wondering why
I wanna know the answers
No more lies
I wanna shut the door
And open up my mind

I wanna run away
Never say goodbye
I wanna know the truth
Instead of wondering why
I wanna know the answers
No more lies
I wanna shut the door
And open up my mind

Gonna run away”

*ding*
I got a b-day card from my daddy today. I wasn’t expecting anything from him. I didn’t get a phone call ON my birthday (I wasn’t expecting that either). He hates me, I know this. He hasn’t seen his granddaughter in ages. I want to see him desperately. I want to him to see HER desperately. I miss my daddy.

I’m such a huge daddy’s girl it’s pathetic. I’m just terrified to see him. I’m trying to space myself from him. A couple of reasons. Totally selfish reasons. Both of my parents are dying. He’s drinking again, I don’t want my daughter to remember her grandfather like this/that. It’s hard enough for me to remember him like that. I want her memories of him to be pleasant. Like they are of my mom, and of her fathers side of the family. He’s not violent

anymore (with my mom being out of the picture how can he be). He’s still got that totally inappropriate side however, saying things that he really shouldn’t. All he did was sign my card.. DAD. Not love dad, just.. DAD. I miss my daddy.

What a lovely year this is turning out to be.

Ave )O( Akira

- 1 * 10 * 01

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