akira's Diaryland Diary

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lost thoughts

I'm making the motions but I'm not really here. Perhaps I'm still asleep, waiting to be woken up from this hellish nightmare? Who knows.

I put on my happy face, make everyone believe that I'm doing fine. That all is well on the Akira homefront.

*ding*
Had to meet up with Nana today to get plans underway for the memorial on the 17th. She's not doing well, my usually tidy very anal Nanas' house is wrecked. On the verge of tears at any minute. *sigh*

*ding*
I talked to my daughter to other day, her father had told her while I was gone, but his being a man got in the way of understanding a 5 year old child. I explained that Grandma D is gone but, when she sleeps and dreams Grandma will always be there watching for her. That even though we can't see her she's still around us, loving us, watching us grow and live our lives. That if she's really open and listens really hard she can hear her say I love you to her. She understood, I think. She cried, said how she missed her and she loved her, how she didn't like that. Then she asked me how she passed away. I told her that her heart was sick. She tells everyone that my mom's heart broke. :o(

...

I totally lost my thoughts here.

Ave )O( Akira

- 2 * 9 * 00

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