akira's Diaryland Diary

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first of two

This is meant directly for you, since my talking to you seems to have no fucking effect on how you act or what you say maybe reading it will get through that fucking thick skull of yours!

Yes I'm pissed off. Yes I'm fucking sick and tired of you. Yes I still love you but right now I can't stand to be in the same room as you. I have tried and tried telling you just leave me the fuck alone. I've tried telling you I'm NOT doing alright only to be asked a couple minutes later "How are you doing?" ME MOTHER JUST DIED HOW THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I'M DOING??? No there is nothing you can do to make it better.

I'M SORRY IF I'M MAKING YOU FEEL BAD FOR SEEING ME SAD BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?? TOUGH FUCKING SHIT!!! I AM ENTITLED TO BE A LITTLE SAD! I'M NOT GOING TO CHANGE HOW I'M FEELING JUST TO SUIT YOUR LIKING OK???

I've tried telling you this. Tweakers tried telling you this. Just leave me the fuck alone and maybe...just maybe I'll start talking to you, but as of right now.....I do NOT want to talk to you.

Hearing "How are you doing?" and "Is there anything I can do?" start to ride on someone's nerves after 8 fucking days. Especially when the only reason your asking is because you think I'm gonna hurt myself, or your worried about my getting fucked up.

I know your views on death. I realize that you don't understand how the fuck I'm feeling so stop trying to help ok? I'll ask for it when I need it!

ME

- 2 * 2 * 01

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