akira's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- down time this isn't as hard as i thought it would be. doing the school thing. i'm not having a problem with that and it's actually really cool. i'm learning things, that's always interesting. my classmates, who are way younger then i am, call me "SMART". actually they call me HELLA SMART. that parts kinda scary. i'm swamped with homework daily. so ya schools going wonderfully. other things...well not so wonderfully. voodu and i are trying to work on things, as usual. i have to wonder though at what point is enough enough? we love eachother. i love her, but sometimes i just want out of this. i read old entries on opiumdream and i cry wishing that things were still that way with us. that things were still new, we were still learning about eachother. i miss her so fucking much now. the odd thing is she's not even away from me except when i'm at school. things aren't how they use to be and i suppose that all things with time change, but fuck did it have to change into this? i don't miss the drugs anymore. i don't miss how that use to be something that could help her open herself up to me and make me feel apart of her. i don't miss my life the way i use to. i know i'm a better person now then i was with all that shit and all those losers. but...i miss the freedom that my mind use to have. i can feel the pressure of something looming on me. the dreams are getting dark again in my head, it was bound to happen sooner or later. the holidays are coming up and now i've lost more of who i am with recent events this last summer, and voodu turning on me. now i just have my daughter and me. no one understands me, which is funny because those that have leave. fucking hell. - Oct. 9 02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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