akira's Diaryland Diary
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YAY
A drive along the coast. Hiking up a hill. Sitting and listening to the ocean. Watching the sun. Finding the Ritz Carlton aka Camalot. Having the BEST support group in the entire world.
All these things contribuated to my staying straight today. I wasn't mopey. I wasn't hidden within myself. I just dealed with the fact that my life is continuing without J. I dealt with it. I dealt with it...straight. Yes I wanted to get fucked up and the thought crossed my mind, several times. But I know that how much I miss him would just come back at me when I sobered up. Then the guilt of being fucked up on his b-day would hit me, then the guilt of getting fucked up on H while my boy is around, and as if that's not enough...the guilt of doing it while I was with "Tweaker" and betraying her. So the ends did not outway the means. But that's not why I didn't do it. I didn't do it because I know...without a doubt in my mind..he was with me today. He was with me. I could almost hear his voice whispering to me. Comforting really.
Anywho, back to real life right? Back to the insanity of my life. I skipped out on work, well truth be told I told my boss I wasn't commnig in on Monday. My check is gonna be minimal but who cares right? That just means I'm gonna have to drive a lot more.
I have to buy a..something nice..dressy. I was thinking a dress but I have a really big ass. HUGE even. But I saw this dress at HOT TOPIC (go fig) that aboslutly fell in love with. The catch...it's almost a $100 dollars. (again go fig) I'm not high matinance, but I want something it's A - either really hard to find...or B - really fucking expensive. However, everyone that's seen the dress things it's totally me. That's it up there. :o)
I disowned aohell and my email is changed now. Finally. I'm having to work with this weird thing, although it's kinda cool. I've got Eeyore on my screen spinning around and around.
I'm too random tonight. I'm also a bit buzzed. hehe
*realization* I didn't do drugs today. WOW
Ave )O( Akira
- 12 * 7/8 * 00
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