akira's Diaryland
Diary
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i'll be there
*ding*
I'm starting with a ding..this can't be good
In my "oh so gothic" fashion I finally looked up Type-O Negative on Napster. This was a simple search. Or so I thought. hehe When Napster pulled up the songs available for them...."Hit My Baby One More Time" comes up. Thinking this has GOT to be a mistake I download it. Now I'm sitting here gasping for air from laughing so hard. If you have Napster, just go and download the song. If nothing else for the comedic value alone. I'm telling you it's well worth it. *ding*
In just two short days I get to see my mommy. It's been a couple of months since I've seen her. She's gonna be crashing with us for a couple of nights. For those of you who've been keeping count lol the total capacity will then be 5 adults and 1 child. Yes we still have only the one bed room. Yes I know there are huts in Asia with less crowding but hey it's my mommy. It's gonna be cool actually because my girl, me, my mom, and tweakier are gonna be sleeping in the same room. THE WOMEN TOOK OVER (sorry tweakier didn't mean to blow your game there). The boys get the front room. *ding*
How is it that guys at the age of 19 think with their dicks and this has become socially acceptable? Why is it that it's all right to look at porn at the work place just because you have internet access? I have no choice but to take my daughter to work with me. Everyone sees her. Knows she's there. Hell she's become the store's kid for fucks sake. Yet these two loser ass mother fuckers insist on downloading porn onto our computers at work I thought it was just the pics, BUT NO it's actual movies (or parts there of). So tomorrow, my brilliant hacker boy here is gonna go in to work with me (he's got the day off to watch my girl seeing it's a minimum day and all) and password EVERY SINGLE THING ON THE COMPUTER! That'll teach them. More then likely it won't. But you know what..I've got nothing against porn. Seriously, but there's a time and place for it...A. It's not at work. B. It's not where a little kid can happen across (YES SHE DOES KNOW HOW TO USE A COMPUTER SORTA) it. C. It's sure as hell not when a PUBLIC computer can be accessed by CUSTOMERS. Stupid fuckers. And the really sad thing...both of the guys aren't someone that I would detest, yet because of this...they just may end up on the "Your Talking To Me Why?" list *ding*
We haven't heard about our maysortawisinguponastar house yet. I'm not suprised, but I am kinda bummed. And it's not because we're not getting it..but it's because I know my boy really wanted to get me into my "Dream" house. It's all good though. I know, without a doubt, he's gonna get me a house that I can show off to anyone and say "I LIVE HERE". But that house was really really fucking amazing. I kept telling everyone, "My trailer trash white ass, walking around in bleach stained sweats, no bra wearing, shoeless ass MIGHT live HERE!!!!". People would have called the cops saying some vagrant was breaking into the house! LOL THANK YOU FOR EVEN TRYING BABE He has no idea how much that meant to me. *ding*
I bought Pink. *gasp* Your saying..."But Akira...that goes against the gothic code?" I'm saying..."I'm addicted to this fucking song so leave me the fuck alone" *giggle* This song that I'm addicted to it's like...I dunno. The rhythm or the pace of the song. All I know is it's it's my new "song of the minute" as I'm so prone to. *ding*
I've gotten literally NO x-mas shopping done. Though we have this AMAZING tree..it's flocked (the first one of my life thank you very much), we've gone thumbed this year..blue and sliver. Actually I wanted black (oh how goth) and silver but they don't make black tree flocking...YET! So it's flocked..it's got beautiful blue and silver balls hanging off of it. Ok so when the boys brought it home it was..umm..way too big..and had to be sawed with a bread knife...and the wrong tree..but you know what??? my fiboroptic noisy angel looks heavenly. :o) There are exactly TWO gifts under the tree. hehe Both of them are my boys. Who are the for?? ME :o) Spoiled? Oh yes. Do I enjoy it? Oh hell yes. Thank you baby. Thank you for being the MOST amazing person. My lifestyle, my here and now are because of a 21 year old EX-drug addict. And people thought he wouldn't last. Puahlease! *ding*
Within depression I'm finding something else..but I'm not quite sure what it is. It's like I have this snake winding within me. Coiling, getting tighter and tighter, ready to stike at any momvement. I realize that with the holidays I have to face the things in my life I'm missing. I'm just really sick in my mind. Everyone thinks I'm fine. I'm doing good. I'm trying really really hard. REALLY hard. Escape is just a jump away. I think about that jump all the time as of recent. *ding*
My daughter has grown up SO quick. I'm putting together this collage of pics for my family for presents. I found these pics of my daughter when she was just a baby. My sweet angel. Even know. She has her moments. Like all people. She's just 5 but she's still people. I look into her eyes, and I see this innocence, this unbelievealbe innocence. Then I look at pictures of me before. I almost broke down today and cried. I can't take this anymore. I can't take living with all that my mind does to me. I want help, I fucking NEED help! Everyone knows this. The memories are killing me right now. I get basically no sleep. When I DO get sleep it's when I'm about to lose it. Take the time to say I love you someone you love.
If you wait to say it until it's meant to be...
it just might be too late.... Ave )O( Akira
- 12 * 15 * 00
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