akira's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- graduate fuck the ic tonight. my day, today my day....watched my daughter graduate from the only people on the face of the earth that i trusted her to be with after her turning 5. she wore a little white cap and gown, her hair french braided (thank you Erika). i held it together. i had to, she was worried about me crying. during the ceramony gave me a "thank you" gift, a star trinket box engraved with the sweetest thank you. i held it together until then. i worked at that daycare for three years until a month before i was due with my daughter. for 8 years i've gossipted with these women, cried with these women, laughed with these women. sure i can visit. i don't want her to leave, i don't want to leave. they are my support, my strength. in a week i have to walk away from them. thank you ladies. thank you for helping me with being a better mom. thank you for being wonderful and being you. thank you for maybe not understanding but allowing my every crazy whim i had. thank you for the laughs, the tears, and thank you for sharing the most amazing 5 years of my life. i've been through so much shit in my life. i've worked past a lot. this is hard. i kept things to myself today. i kept it together. for her. i'm not doing well. this shit sucks. i keep running images of her crying not wanting to stay. sitting during lunch alone, crying like i did. fuck. how did anenigma do this. how does anyone do this. fuck i took off today and got fucked up, that's how i delt with it. just a numer. nothing serious enough to matter to my body just enough to heal my mind. i got through the graduation with a boot up there, big fucking no no. i didnt care. how fucked up am i. i had to. i wouldnt have made it. i didnt even get a nod off thats how little. less then one cent. like i said just enough to numb. toby made sure. im horrible. im the fucking worst mom. sleeping to escape reality Ave )O( Akira - 8 * 26 * 00 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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