akira's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- complicated have you ever just had one of those days where you want to be totally destructive to yourself? your not really mad, not really in a bad mood, but the idea of inflicting pain on yourself just seems like the best idea ever? that's how i'm feeling now. i'm in this really aggressive mood. like if i was still fucking guys i'd find one and have him fuck me until i couldn't walk anymore. not that i'm wanting to fuck a guy it's just that kind of aggressiveness ok great now my g/f is going to read this and think i'm wanting to fuck guys again. umm..sweetie..that's a big fat NO! *ding* i've been eating a lot of chocolate lately. to me it's not a big deal. i fucked up and told my voodu that this was happening expecting to lie to her and tell her it was because of my period totally forgetting that i had told her the real reason ages ago because of loser. for anyone that doesn't know..when someone use to do slam "h" after they stop they usually crave chocolate because of the brown sugar in the "h". for me it's totally outta the blue. i'm not wanting it in any way, i'm not looking to get away from anything. fuck in fact i've totally stopped trying to hide from dealing with shit. i had this epiphany one day and *poof* i just realized that no matter how fucked up i'm going to be when i come down it's all still going to be there. so ya now she's finding every little thing she can to question me on. why this, how come that, are you alright, would you tell me if it blah blah blah. i keep telling her it's no big deal to me because i'm not the one who's got a problem with it. i have nothing to hide because i'm not ashamed of choices i made in my past. i'm fully fucking aware that i've made mistakes. i have NO intention of making them again. *ding* i've been sick for almost a month. i'm drained. at this point i'm thinking i'm just going to be sick forever. ugh. ave )o( Akira - August 1 02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||